HOW TO DEMOTIVATE A DOMME

Over the years, I have tried many different methods of presenting my submission to my Mistress. I have been able to see which methods work, and which one’s fall completely flat. I have had long stretches where I wondered why my submission wasn’t viewed the way I viewed it as a man. I also wondered why I wasn’t able to build it into something that could be considered a lifestyle instead of just roleplay. Here’s my list of mistakes or observations that we as men make when trying to present our submissive side. Alternately, “How to Demotivate a Domme (with our actions)”.

1. Lacking vulnerability – My submission needs to start with my vulnerability. If I guard my heart and thoughts from Her, She won’t be able to help me as a submissive. She needs access to these parts of me if She is to shape and mold me.

2. Presenting my submission as purely sexual – This was, by far, my biggest mistake. The reason it damages the foundation of a potential FLR is that it sets the expectation that I am only submissive when sex is involved. This leads to my next lesson…

3. Inconsistency – If my submission turns off when I’m not sexually engaged, it introduces a host of problems. From Her perspective, it makes Her Dominance exhausting. Every potential interaction only becomes successful if She brings sex into the equation. She feels used and we hear the term “kink dispenser” often. She views the dynamic as adding too much to Her plate when it should make Her life easier. She should be able to approach me as my Dominant at any time. My submission should be accessible.

4. A list of demands – Bringing a list of wants is also a demotivator. It shifts the burden to Her and complicates the dynamic. She is left asking “What’s actually in it for me?”

5. Only submitting where I’m comfortable – Ultimately, if I am to grow as a submissive and She is to grow as a Dominant, I am going to need to learn to become the submissive She needs and not just the submission that fits my view. This will mean submitting in ways that may make me feel uncomfortable. I need to learn to trust Her process.

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Article submission by: Docile, resident goodboy