ACCOUNTABILITY AND OWNERSHIP
An excerpt from a discussion in the Relationship Renaissance Community Forum
I always like the approach of owning your mistakes. When we do that as men, and thoroughly communicate, it helps the Women in our lives lay down their own sword. So many challenges in relationships are spawned from neither side being self-reflective. Avoiding getting defensive is also excellent advice. When I get defensive, I always begin the process of escalating an interaction. I know that as soon as I get defensive, I start trying to blame someone else for something I should be taking the time to reflect on.
I also really love the perspective of submitting first and receiving Dominance second. I felt like this was a standing ovation moment in the discussion. If we are going to say that we’re submissive, then we need to be submissive even if Her Dominance isn’t present at any given moment. Many times in my own relationship, my own submission, when consistently present, is the catalyst to grow Her Dominance when Her energy is feeling low. I loved this point so much.
A lighter topic that made me laugh was that we’re all careful when @Mistress Alisa points out women’s flaws and then asks our thoughts. We’re all sensing a trap and I could hear it in @kittyboy717’s tone immediately.
The idea of couples councilors not challenging men is interesting. We’re all here for a Domme to speak hard truths. We can take those hard truths and show vulnerability in this setting. I do think that we as men can be manipulative when we know that the bar is set low for us. We just try to show our best fake intentions and gain favor. We should instead always be honest with ourselves and make sure to remember that we’re working hard for the Woman we love.
I hope this feedback helped.
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Article submission by: docile, goodboy-in-training
Response from Mistress Alisa
Response from Kittyboy
@docile, I love the way you express yourself here. both of these are excellent takeaways and so very well articulated~! for me, I would never own or accept my submissiveness. since it was something that I was ashamed of, I felt that I needed Her dominance to validate my submission. I was the leaky cup that @Mistress Alisa was referring to in the session—and it lasted until I drained too much from Her… I was unable to recognize the emotional work I was putting on Her. It wasn’t until I could learn to love myself and separate the desire to be submissive from the desire to be dominated that I could start the journey to correct things.
And as far as me “sensing a trap”, lol, I’m glad y’all got a small laugh at that. it was certainly an uncomfortable situation for me, but only because of two reasons. First, exactly as @Mistress Alisa says, all parties should be accountable—100% responsibility on both sides needed or else it dissolves into blaming others and victim mentalities.
The second reason is because I was thinking of the things my Wife has done working through Her own issues, both personal and for our relationship. I didn’t want to interrupt @Mistress Alisa and mention this because I realize that the session isn’t just about me—She is speaking to a wider audience. And the point She is making is important. I felt like it would come off as trying to invalidate it.
