The Life You Want To Live
Find Your Truth
Before you can fully commit to living your best life, you need to have an idea of what your best life looks like. You have to know what you are working towards; what you are fighting for. You have to know what all of your efforts are going toward; what all of the sacrifices are for. If you don’t have a big-picture plan in mind for living your best life, you will not be successful in making any real life changes.
When we talk about “truth,” we are talking about that thing that resonates inside of you; that thing that no life circumstance, no person can touch. It is yours. You were born with it. You brought it with you when you came into this world. Neither you, nor anyone else can do anything about it.
Truth can be a little tricky, though. Sometimes people have the wrong focus and they get distracted by shallow issues, such as what turns them on, what size breasts they like, whether they want to be a top or bottom…I think you understand my point. When you are considering your place in this world, you want to explore issues of substance. You want to make sure that your heart and soul are fulfilled. Your truth is not dependent on anything. It is yours, simply because it is.
Also, before you begin any significant journey into self-improvement, it is important to envision what the desired outcome will be. Now, it is important to note that you don’t have to necessarily believe that your goals are possible. In fact, I encourage clients to set goals that really have them reach for the stars. You may have tried dozens of times before and have been unsuccessful. That really is okay. This space is not about perfection. It is about moving forward.
Embrace Your Truth
Once you identify your truth and you make a connection with it inside of yourself, your next task is to embrace it. For, acknowledging it is not nearly enough. You have to become intimate with that truth. Many times, we have become conditioned to be afraid of ourselves. Society thinks for us and tells us what to believe. Religious leaders think for us and tell us what to believe. Parents and community leaders think for us and tell us what to believe. We are taught to “fit in,” or else.
The problem with fitting in is that there is the implication that there is some sort of norm that the masses abide by. Let me tell you, there is no normal.
The very men who have mastered the art of fitting in, have their quirks. How do I know? Well, I’ve been talking to them for years. They are the law makers who pass laws that they, themselves, do not live by. They are the pastors who preach against same-sex relationships, only to be outted for having same-sex relationships, themselves. They are the psychiatrists and psychologists who assist others with resolving their issues, while embracing all manner of deviant behaviors behind closed doors, and who demonstrate no desire to resolve outstanding issues in their own lives.
The world that we live in is full of hypocrites. It is full of people who try to distract themselves from their own issues by focusing on controlling others. I urge individuals to see the situation for what it is. You were born with a guidebook embedded in your soul. You might try to read passages from your book to others, but they will never understand the words the way that you do. Your job is not to get others on board with your vision. Rather, your job is to LIVE your life and to leave your mark on the world. The university is vast and you have a place in it. There is only one you and we need for you to be exactly who you were designed to be.
Unfortunately, I feel compelled to point out that a line must be drawn; that every desire is not good. There are some things in life that should never, ever be normalized or accepted. There are acts that are despicable to even contemplate, and even moreso to engage in. Embracing one’s truth does not give anyone the right to be a menace to society, or to cause others harm.
Clean Up Your Space
One of the most important aspects of living your best life possible is having a space that you can thrive in. This is absolutely essential.
Please note that the operative word in this situation is “thrive.” Cleaning up your space well enough that it allows you to survive is the first step, but you should not stop there. Surviving and thriving involve totally different dynamics. The people and circumstances that you allow in your life will directly impact almost every experience that you have on your journey.
In cleaning up your space with survival in mind, you are looking at removing everything and everyone who trigger you and compel you to make poor choices. These elements are quite easy to recognize as they are dangerous to you – heart, soul, mind, and body. They just have no business being in your space. If you do not want to find yourself in toxic situations which threaten your overall well-being, it is important to stay on top of this work.
In cleaning up your space with thriving in mind, you are looking at removing everything and everyone who taint your space. They may not pose an immediate threat to the integrity of your journey, but they do make your job just a bit too complicated. These people and situations cause you to expend too much emotional energy, trying to sort through issues that they have presented to you. They offer very little in the way of value, other than the occasional learning experience, and eventually the decision is to remove those things and those people from your space.
Once you clean your space, it is incumbent upon you to keep that space clean. It may seem time-consuming to do so. However, I assure you that the brief moments that it takes to keep your space clean is considerably less than the time it takes to clean the mess up all over again.
Get/Keep Your Ego In Check
Defending one’s dysfunctional choices is the same as giving oneself permission to perpetuate those choices. An unhealthy sense of ego will allow you to make excuses for poor decisions, or do things like try to manipulate people and situations so that you never have to face yourself; or make a scene and create chaos, instead of facing yourself.
An unhealthy ego is one of the worst things that you can embrace in life, especially when attempting to live that life with integrity.
The truth can hurt. Sure, it can. It is human nature to not necessarily want to see the damage that we may be causing ourselves or others. We have to acknowledge the impact that our actions have. Failure to do so means that we are going through life blind to the damage that we cause, and we are therefore much more likely to continue those behavioral patters.
Ego is the great imposter. It insidiously takes over. If your ego has gone unchecked for lengthy periods of time, it could have taken over without you even being aware. In cases like this, you may need to reach out to someone that you trust, and someone who will be honest with you, to help you sort through your issues.
Keeping your ego in check means not running or hiding. If there are things about your behavior that need to be addressed, then do so. No excuses. No pretense. No manipulation or games. The truth is the one thing that you absolutely cannot do without when you want to live your best life possible. Be honest and address the issues in life that need to be addressed.
Monitor Your True Motivations
Have you ever considered that it is possible to do “the right thing for the wrong reason”?
It is not just good enough to do what you are supposed to do – work, pay your bills, drop your kids off at school, tell your wife that you love her…If the energy that you have when completing those actions is unhealthy, then the acts themselves become unhealthy. The same thing happens if you invest in your relationships (with yourself or with others) with toxic energy.
Are you the kind of person who gives back-handed compliments? How often do you do things that are seemingly for your partner, but with an ulterior motive? Do you speak in half-truths, communicate with deception, lie through omission, or toy with other people’s emotions? These are tough questions, but anyone who is on a life-changing journey needs to answer these types of questions with 100% honesty.
Anytime a person’s words and actions are contrary to one another, it is a guarantee that they are sewing seeds of dysfunction in their own lives. If you embrace deception and/or self-deception as truth, just know that it is impossible to live your best life possible.