So, the state that I was in before beginning personal counseling with Alisa was truly resigned to spending the rest of my life alone. I was surrounded by seas of people, family members and friends, and the woman I still deeply loved, and yet I was so far removed from every last one of them. It seemed that there would be zero intimacy in my life again.
By that point, I was masturbating to porn periodically, but without passion or even pleasure really. I was just going through the motions. I felt like I was dying, indeed was ready to die. There were no suicidal tendencies or anything like that, but I was just ready…
I felt that the best part of me was in the past; that I would grow to whatever age and be somewhat comfortable in the notion of a life lived and of the knowledge that I had done good things. But there was no purpose. No passion. My career had promise to be fulfilling, in it’s own right, but I struggled for the most part, and motivation was in the basement.
Then, I ran across Alisa’s podcasts. I listened to them for about a year. She inspired me and touched me deeply with the message that it was okay to be broken or hurt. And she taught that, no matter how dire the situation, there was hope. I listened and listened and was inspired each time I heard that pure honesty; the pureness of integrity, and the intent and yes, love, hopefulness and support to help hurt people heal. It took months before I finally found the courage to actually reach out to Alisa.