Before selecting an individual to be a part of your support base, you should first determine your objective, think about what is it that you want to accomplish, then act accordingly. Here are some helpful tips.
If you want to strengthen pre-existing relationships, then obviously you will want to communicate with those who are already around you. Perhaps there are things about yourself that you have never shared with those individuals and you want them to know more about who you really are. You will need to determine how much of yourself you want to share and with whom.
Use wisdom when making this decision. Just as you have been conditioned to respond to certain stimuli (including people) in your environment, others have learned to do the same with you. They have been conditioned to respond to the sight and sound of you ever since the beginning of your relationship. When you interact with them, for the most part, your place in their world has already been determined. Nothing that you say or do will change that fact right now, or even in the immediate future.
So, be careful about having expectations. Remember that you can never control another person’s behavior. Think about the possible outcomes for disclosing your secrets with each person and determine whether or not you are willing to take the risk.
Acknowledge the situation. Accept the situation. Appreciate the situation for what it is. When you do that you, you become empowered to make decisions that resonate as true for your life!
If you want to establish new relationships, the recommendations can be a bit more work-intensive than the recommendations made for “strengthening pre-existing relationships.” When pursuing connections with individuals that you barely know, it is important to resist the urge to drag an unhealthy mindset into this new space. It is also imperative that you NOT put on a good show. Good shows never last for long. Cracks start to show and it is only a matter of time before your self-confidence takes a hit. But long before that even happens, this new person in your life has already grown suspicious and the trust has already started to chip away.
Now, that is not to say that you will not make mistakes – because you will. We all do. But the mistakes, themselves, are not what define the man. It is how the man chooses to deal with his mistakes that really counts. But, it is a whole lot easier to deal with a true mistake, than it is trying to pass off things like: a manipulative behavior, an act of lashing out, a vindictive act, an act that was born out of a trigger, or any range of character flaws…as simple mistakes.
So, what is the key to establishing new relationships? Well, it’s actually quite simple. When establishing new relationships, it is important that you act with integrity. This can be challenging if you are not used to living your life in this way. It will take quite a bit of practice. And it will require that you develop a complete aversion to bullshit, including your own! To act with integrity means simply to ensure that your intentions match your actions. When you are a person of integrity, everything in your life starts to come together. This is the beginning of finding true peace.
If you want to connect with a counselor, it will be important to understand the nature of your needs. And determining the difference between what you want and what you need will be very important. Many who are in search of a counselor do not make this distinction, which leads to confusion and frustration.
An effective counselor is one who listens without judgment and one who listens for the purpose of understanding you. This individual should be experienced in issues related to your specific needs, and possess the skills necessary to support you as you find your personal truth. An effective counselor will be void of any personal agendas, prioritizing your needs in sessions above all else.
And keep in mind the definition of a true need. An effective counselor is not there to stroke your ego, or to make you feel less accountable for your actions. Sometimes, you will need someone who holds up a mirror without filters so that you can see yourself clearly. Sometimes, you will need someone to point out the inconsistencies in your behavior. An effective counselor supports you as you walk through the recesses of your soul, and you get to the heart of the matter.