Ask Alisa

A Dominant Male Has A Question

I have noticed that I am not interested in porn except thin women kicking guys in the balls ….Ive an extremely dominant personality and normally control women at first the women where conduits carrying out my desires as I dislike weak men but now I’m having thoughts of getting kicked in the nuts so my question is why would a dominant guy like me get turned on by getting kicked in the balls by a weak female?

Dear John,

My guess is that you are not truly a Dominant male. Very, very, very few people in the lifestyle are truly the label that they have adopted. My guess is that only about 10-15% of the people in the lifestyle are actually here because it is their truth.

The other 90-95% are donning labels like Domme, Dom, sub, and slave when really all they are is horny; when all they are is motivated by their own physical pleasure.

You’re not Dominant, sweetheart. You’re horny and likely a devout fetishist. You come to the lifestyle to use other people to feel good. However, you are NEVER really fulfilled. You never fully feel complete, whole, or balanced. You bounce from one fetish to another, each fetish becoming more extreme than the ones before it. You are constantly in search of the next sexual high.

This is not Dominance.

Having “an extremely dominant personality” could be a sign of you taking on a strong persona because you feel like you need to. Maybe that is how you survive. Maybe that is how you get what you want, since you cannot trust anyone else to care enough about you to give you what you really need.

On the other hand, having an extremely submissive personality could be a sign that the person who is pretending to be “submissive” is really weak. Maybe that person has no self-esteem. Maybe that person wants something that is considered “taboo” and in order to get it, he claims to be submissive while looking for women who will give him exactly what he wants, and he remains blameless in his own mind.

Again, I would say that you are not Dominant, sweetheart. You are lost and looking for fulfillment in all the wrong places, and in all the wrong ways. Let’s say that you continue in the fantasies that you currently have. Give those fantasies another 4-6 weeks. You will start changing those fantasies, because they no longer get you off. You will keep reaching and looking for something new to excite you. But there is no end to an addictive cycle, sweetheart.

Visit My website and view/listen to My content having to do with addiction. Without speaking with you, I strongly suspect that you are exhibiting addictive behaviors. If you need help, then ask for it, sweetheart. Visit My website and take advantage of the free content on My site.

~Mistress Alisa

Submit your questions to Mistress Alisa using the form below.

You have questions and I have answers.

Submit your brief questions and I will choose one or two to answer each cycle. I look for questions that:

  1. Have not been asked previously,
  2. Ring as sincere,
  3. Present some reasonable expectation that they can be addressed in a brief written response, and
  4. Have to do with you and your behavior, as opposed to the behaviors of others.

The goal is not to solve your problems in a single written response, but rather to help you to understand your situation more clearly.  Once you have a better understanding of how choices that you make impact your life, you will be better equipped to make decisions that ring as true for you. And this will bring greater fulfillment.

Trust your process.  Enjoy your journey.  Ask Mistress Alisa a question today!